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Monday, November 2, 2009
Et si … je vous racontais une histoire de merde.
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Tay be ity hoy ilay nihaona tamin’ny ministra. Francis Turbo.
- Veuillez vous asseoir et me dire ce qui vous fait souffrir, dit le docteur à son patient.
- Je préfère rester débout, si cela ne vous dérange pas, Docteur, car mon hémorroïde me fait encore un peu mal quand je m’asseois.
- Vous souffrez d’hémorroïde? Cela dépend de combien de temps vous l’avez, dès fois cela se guérit avec des pommades ou des suppositoires, mais il se peut qu’une intérvention chirurgicale soit la seule solution envisageable.
- J’ai souffert de cette hémorroïde depuis 7 ans, des connaissances m’ont conseillé un tambavy qui me guérirait de ce mal en quelques mois, et je me le suis administré sans trop y réfléchir. Mais de toute évidence, cette infusion ne m’a pas complètement guéri de mon hémorroïde, elle me fait encore assez mal, et le tambavy a surtout ajouté un nouveau bobo car maintenant, je souffre aussi de constipation.
- Aïe, fit le toubib, et à part ces deux maux, de quoi d’autres souffrez-vous ou de quoi d’autres avez-vous souffert dans le passé?
- J’ai souffert de toux sèches interminables pendant plus d’une vingtaine d’années qui s’est mué petit à petit vers une tuberculose. J’ai pris des tambavy que je me suis administré moi-même, et quand je l’ai pris, au début ça faisait très mal: hémorragie et du sang dans mes crachats mais finalement je m’en suis complètement guéri au bout de quelques mois. Mais la bonne santé était éphémère : j’ai vite attrapé de la grippe qui me faisait éternuer toutes les 30 secondes. J’ai compris qu’à ce rythme, ma grippe allait me tuer, que ce ne serait pas une grippe ordinaire mais du genre porcine ou aviaire… Je m’en suis débarrassé, mais dès que l’effet de la grippe s’est atténué, je toussais de nouveau comme pendant les vingtaines d’années plus tôt. Je me suis donc administré un autre tambavy et c’est depuis ce temps que je souffrais d’hémorroïde.
- Donc, pour résumer, vous souffrez ou avez souffert de toux sèche, d’éternuements intempestifs, d’hémorroïde et de constipation.
- Oui docteur, de ces 4 maux, et j’espère que vous m’administrerez un médicament qui fasse disparaitre toutes mes souffrances, mais actuellement, c’est la constipation qui me fait le plus souffrir, et un peu l’hémorroïde.
- Hmmmmm, si nous arrivons à guérir complètement cette constipation, votre hémorroïde reviendra en force, et d’un autre côté, si on s’occupe de l’hémorroïde, c’est l’effet de la constipation qui redoublera. Il y a un médicament qui pourrait éradiquer les deux maladies en même temps, mais alors dans ce cas, la tuberculose et la grippe reviendront à coup sûr. Ce que je peux suggérer, c’est de faire cohabiter ces 4 maladies en même temps pendant une période transitoire, pour voir lesquelles on doit éliminer en premier, mais cela vous fera un peu mal.
- Les 4 en même temps? Constipation + hémorroïde, c’est déjà infernal, pourquoi réveiller les démons des toux sèches et des éternuements? Etes-vous sérieux? Imaginez-moi souffrir le martyr chaque fois que je tousse ou que j’éternue.
- Je vous assure que c’est la seule solution et que c’est uniquement transitoire. Il n’y a que de cette façon que je peux reconnaitre votre maladie et que je pourrai vous guérir. Mais vous devez me promettre de ne pas vous faire docteur vous-même, ni voir d’autres docteurs ou d’autres prescriptions parallèles aux miennes, quel que soit le niveau de votre souffrance.
Aux dernières nouvelles, la mouvance hémorroïde a refusé de cohabiter avec la mouvance constipation et n’acceptera jamais constipation comme une des principales maladies du patient. On a aussi entendu dire qu’une partie de la mouvance constipation n’est pas d’accord avec cet accord, et souhaite se dissider et constituer une cinquième mouvance: la mouvance douleur abdominale aigüe diarrhéique. Si cette dissension voit le jour, il y a deux cas de figure : le meilleur des cas, la cohabitation diarrhée + constipation aurait l’effet de s’anéantir, en ramollissant ce qui est dur et donc cela ne ferait plus très mal quand la chose va sortir au bout du tunnel; mais au pire des cas, et c’est malheureusement le cas le plus probable : la chose va pousser et presser de l’intérieur mais bloquer de l’extérieur, pressant le patient à faire la grosse commission toutes les 30 minutes sans que rien n’en sorte. Et Atchouuummm, pardon, Houghh, Houghh, éternuements et toux feront leurs effets toutes les minutes.
Je suis désolé d’avoir parlé de maladies et d’excréments au lieu de parler politique comme d’habitude, mais comme le disait Oscar Wilde : La politique est bien une histoire de merde.
N’est-ce pas?
On tire quand même quelques morales de cette histoire de merde :
1) Si vous invitez quelqu’un à s’asseoir et qu’il refuse poliment ou préfère rester débout, n’insistez surtout pas, il a ses raisons.
2) Il ne faut jamais se faire docteur soi-même.
3) Lasa ny mamba misosoka ny voay, autrement dit, même si vous arrivez à guérir une maladie, une autre maladie va s’installer. Toutefois, ce n’est pas trop décourageant, je connais au moins deux médicaments qui fassent le moindre mal: Après traitement, le patient ne souffrira plus d’aucun de ces 4 maux mais aura une maladie appelée Nirvana hallucinatoire pour l’une des prescriptions et rêves érotiques pour l’autre.
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Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Raha toa moa ka … nominé
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Nominé izany ny blaogy What-if dia avoty, BMB espace 31.
Raha vao tsy mahazo prix eo aho dia hidongy tsy hanoratra intsony. Izao aza efa mihoatra ny telopolo andro mahery tsy nahavita nametraka hevitra iray teto. Ny hevitra misy ihany fa amin’ilay NON dia aleo tsy mametraka.
Ny hoe nominé izany dia zavatra ratsy ho an’ny fandaharana Pazzapa (ny tena marina anefa iza no tsy mahalala izany hoe nominé sy Pazzapa izany fa fika rehefa mba te-hampiakatra ny filaharana ao amin’i Google sy mba hisintona ireo bodo sy adala mpankafy Pazzapa dia mody soratana matetika amin’ny lahatsoratra iray ny voambolana na teny manan-danja hoe Pazzapa dia tsy maintsy misy mpitsidika vaovao azo avy any amin’i Google any. Bon, izaho moa tsy manaraka firy an’io fandaharana io fa raha asiana ny anaran’ireo mpifaninana ao ny lahatsoratra dia vao mainka mitombo ny herijika hanjonoana mpitsidika. Jeyo, Jenny (mbola ao ami’ny Pazzapa sa efa voadaka?), …
Izay e, sur, manantena an’ilay BMB espace 31 izany e.
Bonjour ,
Vous avez été nominé pour les BOMBS 2009. Visitez la page et encouragez vos lecteurs à vous nominer pour la phase finale.
Bon BOMBS!
-
Hi,
Your blog has been submitted for BOMBS 2009. Please visit our page and ask your readers to promote you to the finals.
Happy BOMBS!
More on BOMBS here
http://www.bestofmalagasyblogs.com/bombs
http://www.bestofmalagasyblogs.com/regles/
http://www.bestofmalagasyblogs.com/goodies
http://twitter.com/Best_Blogs_Gasy
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Thursday, September 17, 2009
Raha toa moa ka … 3 mipetraka, 1 mandeha
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Raha nanomboka nampihavana ny korontana politika ny FFKM dia niseho ny tsi-fitovian-kevitra : 4 no isan’izy lehiben’antokom-pinoana mpampihavana, saingy ny iray toa naningana ary ny 3 niombon-kevitra. Nisy fotoana nanipy aron-tanana ny monsenera, ary saika mbola hampitohy ny fampihavanana ihany ny 3 tonta ambiny.
Rehefa tsy vitan’ny Malagasy sy ny Raiamandreny ara-panahy ny fampihavanana dia niditra an-tsehatra indray ny Afrikanina. Natao ankolafy efatra indray ireo hampihavanina ka natsofoka ho isan’izay hiara-midinika ny ankolafy Ratsiraka sy ny ankolafy Zafy Albert. Dia rehefa avy tany Maputo hono dia tsy niray saina indray ny ankolafy efatra fa ny telo niombona ary ny iray naningana.
Dia nanomboka hono ny SIIT teny amin’ny Futura Andranomena izay salon momba ny teknolojia vaovaon’ny fifandraisana. Dia tsy nahazo nandray anjara ny operateur Life fa ny Operateur 3 ihany no nahazo nandray anjara tao dia ny Orange, Telma ary Zain.
Inona ary izany : 3 mipetraka 1 mandeha…