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Thursday, August 6, 2009
Et si … la dernière réunion des Dalton
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La rédaction de what-if se réserve le droit de refuser à certaines personnes la lecture de tout ou partie du contenu de son blog. Ainsi, nous refusons exceptionnellement à une personne le droit de lire cet article. Veuillez placer votre curseur sur le lien précédent pour vérifier qu’il ne s’agit pas de vous. En lisant cet article, vous acceptez cette règle, vous assurez que vous n’êtes pas cette personne et vous promettez de ne pas lui faire savoir l’existence de cet article.
Entrons dans le vif du sujet. J’ose croire que vous connaissez les frères Dalton (la bande de voleurs) et Lucky Luke (le rôle du héros). Ce que vous ne savez pas, c’est que Lucky Luke a été assassiné par Joe Dalton en 1972. Depuis cette époque, on n’entend plus parler de la course poursuite entre les deux camps rivaux. Pour les Dalton, depuis la mort de Lucky Luke finit le temps des braquages de banques et des hold-ups; finis aussi les prisons. Non pas qu’ils soient devenus des bons citoyens, non, ils continuent de voler mais d’une autre manière: plus civilisés, plus respectables et moins touchables.
Malgré leurs carences en intelligence, les Dalton ont tout du moins compris que pour dévaliser un banque, il est plus facile et moins risqué de le faire depuis l’intérieur. Ainsi, en 1975, Joe Dalton, celui qui a réussi à tuer Lucky Luke, est devenu directeur de la Banque. La combine est facile: récolter les richesses des bons citoyens, leur réclamer plus d’argent contre le service offert. Et quand il a besoin d’argent, on prend dans les caisses de la banque et il n’est même pas utile de rembourser.
C’est moins risqué mais il y a quand même un risque. Après 20 ans à la tête de la Banque du Texas, Joe Dalton fait face à la colère des clients qui constatent les magouilles. Une émeute s’éclate et les habitants réclament la démission du directeur de la Banque. N’étant pas préparé à ce cas de figure, il finit par être ejecté de son siège. Son propre frère Averell, qui n’a rien reçu de ses magouilles, figure parmi les gens qui ont profité de l’émeute pour lui faire payer son ingratitude. Après le départ de Joe, Averell Dalton est nommé nouveau directeur de la Banque du Texas.
Une chose est sure, Averell est le moins intelligent des frères Dalton. Il braque sa propre banque avec l’ancienne méthode, et sans même porter de cagoules. Il est alors viré et remplacé vite fait par son prédécesseur Joe Dalton. Ah, ces texans, ils ne trouvent personne pour diriger leur banque. Une autre chose est sure, Joe Dalton n’a pas changé et ne changera jamais. Mêmes causes, mêmes effets: une autre émeute mais cette fois, quand Joe Dalton est expulsé hors du Texas, c’est Jack Dalton qui le remplace en tant que directeur. Jack Dalton réussit à voler en un an trois fois de ce que Joe a volé en 3 ans, considérant que les deux autres Dalton étant hors courses, personne ne pourra lui résister. Eh bien, c’était sans compter sur l’ambition et l’arrogance du moins connu des Dalton: William. Et l’inévitable arriva: William l’expulse hors du Texas et s’autoproclame nouveau directeur de la banque du Texas.
Et là, malheureusement pour William, les mafieux directeurs des autres banques se réunissent et s’unissent contre lui. Ils ont constaté que les troubles qui ont lieu dans la banque du Texas va éveiller des soupçons dans les autres villes et porteront préjudice à leurs businesses. Ils ont donc convoqué les frères Dalton pour leur enseigner l’art de faire des magouilles sans susciter des émeutes, ainsi que la règle les obligeant à se respecter entre eux. Cette formation est à huis-clos, voici tout ce que j’ai pu y entendre :
- « Je hais Lucky Luke ! Je hais Lucky Luke ! »
- « du calme, Joe »
- « Joe, du calme »
- « Quand est-ce qu’on mange ? »
* A lire aussi :
Les Frères Dalton sur Wikipedia
Lequel des Dalton en a la plus grosse?. Personnellement, je pense que Joe en a la plus grosse, mais inversement le plus court : 4 cm au maximum. Averell en aurait une assez longue mais de diamètre si petit que cela ressemble à un crayon neuf …
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