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Monday, October 18, 2010
William et Catherine.
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Tu me manques, Catherine.
Je ressens encore ton odeur quand je m’endors seul sur ce lit, froid. Il est trop grand sans toi. Je me souviens des moindres détails de tes manies. Comme quand tu me caresses la tête alors que tu me tournes le dos. Je ressens assez souvent la saveur de ta langue dans ma bouche.
Tu me manques, Catherine.
Ta façon de tenir mes deux joues à quelques secondes d’atteindre le point culminant du plaisir, tu es la seule à faire comme ça, tu sais. Maintenant que tu n’es plus là, aucun plaisir ne me donne envie…
Tu me manques, Catherine.
Je n’ai pas ri un seul instant depuis que tu es partie. Tes blagues me manquent, certaines sont débiles, certaines me rendent mort de rire, certaines ne sont pas assez amusantes, mais je les aime toutes. Et je t’aime. A chaque fois que je vois un cortège, je me rappelle de notre mariage, quand tu as écrit sur le vitre arrière de notre limousine les lettres WC, pour William et Catherine, juste pour m’embêter.
Tu me manques, Catherine, je ne suis plus le même Willy depuis que tu n’es plus là.
Tu es la seule qui puisse me comprendre, et tolérer mon tempérament. Tu es la seule qui sache à quel moment je commence à être hors de moi, et à chaque fois, tu arrives à me calmer au moment qu’il faut. Maintenant que tu n’est plus là, je n’arrive plus à vivre. Je me sens trop seul dans un monde de fous.
Pourquoi les gens doivent-ils mourir un jour? Pourquoi certains meurent jeunes? Pourquoi avions-nous disputé dans le garage, ce jour-là? Pourquoi j’avais un tournevis dans ma main à ce moment précis où tout a basculé?
Tu sais, Catherine, planter ce tournevis dans ton oeil gauche était un geste machinal causé par la colère et notre dispute. Je ne voulais pas du tout te faire du mal, et étant hors de moi, je ne mesurais pas la portée ni la conséquence de mes actes. Et puis, écraser ta tête avec cet enclume était tout ce que je trouvais sur le moment pour achever tes souffrances. Pourquoi ne peut-on pas retourner en arrière comme dans les jeux et fictions? Un retour arrière de 15 secondes aurait suffi.
Tu me manques.
Reposes en paix ma chère.
William, Ton mari.
(L’illustration est placée dans le domaine public)
