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Friday, November 14, 2008
Et si … c’est une idée de génie.
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Un certain musulman veut une nouvelle femme beaucoup plus robuste, plus apte à le soutenir dans ses déplacements à l’étranger, car sa femme préférée actuelle est trop lente et ne lui donne pas le confort et le plaisir du voyage qu’il espère, eh bien, je trouve ça une idée de génie. Parce que les musulmans sont riches (ils ont le pétrole et beaucoup de femmes et enfants aussi riches que lui) et qu’il a les moyens, c’est une idée géniale. Ça ne lui coûtera pas les yeux de la tête d’entretenir une nouvelle femme. De plus, puisque l’actuelle femme favorite n’est pas mécontente, alors, vous, fermez-là, c’est pas vos oignons qu’il ait une autre chouchou.
Avis aux musulmans: je ne suis pas musulman et j’espère que parler d’un musulman ne vous choque pas. Je parle de musulman ici car les musulmans peuvent avoir plus d’une femme, contrairement à nous, pauvre chrétiens. Sur ce point, on vous envie. Et j’aime les musulmans.
Fin de l’interlude, début de l’histoire.
Un pauvre arabe, assoiffé, marchait dans le désert. Sa gourde est à sec, et depuis 2 heures. Pas l’ombre d’un oasis à l’horizon, même pas un petit mirage pour se bercer d’illusion. Tout-à-coup, il voit un vase par terre.
- Tiens, je vois un vase par terre, se dit-il. Peut-être qu’il y a de l’eau dedans.
Il frotte un peu le couvercle, et tout-à-coup, un génie sort du récipient et se prosterne devant lui.
- Ô maitre, dit le Génie, merci de m’avoir libéré. Pour te récompenser, je t’accorde un vœu.
- Mais les autres, ils ont eu droit à 3 vœux? se plaint l’arable.
- Oui, leurs génies ont été emprisonnés dans un vase depuis 1000 ans, mais moi, je n’étais emprisonné que pendant 333 ans et 4 mois.
L’arabe réfléchit, si je demande de l’eau, je n’aurai plus droit à autre chose. Si je demande de la richesse ou bien de l’argent, qui pourrait vendre de l’eau dans ce désert?
Et puis, il a trouvé une idée géniale.
- Je veux qu’on me donne vingt millions d’euros dans un bon resto à Paris, dit-il, en pensant qu’ainsi, il aurait et la richesse et des boissons à gogo.
- Exaucé, fit le génie en disparaissant.
Et notre arabe se voit téléporté à Paris, sur son trente-et-un, dans un bon resto frais. Un homme plein de moustache, avec des lunettes toutes noires et fumant un gros cigare, lui tend un mallette.
- 20 millions, sire, s’exclama-t-il, puis il part aussitôt.
L’arabe ouvre la mallette et vois des tas de billets de 100 euros, avec les numéros qui ne se suivent pas. Et pendant qu’il admire ces billets, un flic le menotte, s’empare de la mallette et pointe son arme sur la tempe de l’arabe, en s’exclamant: Pris en flagrant délit de transfert d’argent sale. Vous resterez au trou pour le restant de vos jours, cher ami.
Fin de l’histoire.
Pour ceux qui sont durs de la comprenette, les génies exaucent les vœux textuellement, mais cela entraîne un dégât plus important pour celui qui fait les vœux. Du genre, vous demandez 20 millions d’euros, votre père meurt et vous héritez de 20 millions.
La morale de l’histoire, c’est que si un jour, on vous dit que vous aviez eu une idée de génie ou une idée géniale, pensez-y à trois fois avant de conclure qu’il s’agit vraiment d’un compliment. Mesdames et messieurs, Faîtes vos vœux, rien ne va plus. (Pour ceux qui veulent que l’histoire continue: lire cette blague).